The History Of The BreadTag Fix
Bread. Probably back around the year 1708 a simple French baker, (we’ll call him Geoff) was sick and tired of his delicious doughy inventions going stale.
His bread was in a bread bag but that darn air was still getting in and causing havoc.
Instead of grabbing a nearby piece of twine and tying it around the open end of the bread bag to prevent the havoc causing air from causing havoc, he went about inventing a plastic bread-tag making machine.
Fast forward a few centuries and by the early 1900’s sturdy plastic bread tags had taken over most of the world. Geoff and his family were able to buy a castle and even start exporting the bread-tags to weird and wonderful countries. Countries like New Zealand.
Wow. New Zealand fell in love with these bread-tags, hard! So much so they would come up with other ways to use them. They would snap them in half, wedge them onto their fingertips and see who could ‘flick’ them the farthest.
Hours of afternoon fun yet endless life changing eye injuries.
Fast-forward to the late 1950’s and the invention of the ‘Jandal’ (soon followed by international copycats ‘The Flip Flop, Thong & Slipper to name a few)
If you thought kiwis loved bread-tags, well they loved Jandals even more. Wearing them anywhere and everywhere. Weddings, funerals, during intercourse. You name it – Jandals were there.
But by late 1959 there was a cat thrown amongst the kākāpōs.
The ‘plugs’ of the jandals started unplugging, all but rendering the beloved jandal into a badly shaped Frisbee. This came to be known as a ‘jandal blow-out’.
The Government took immediate action and launched a public initiative to help solve the blow-out issue. If you had an idea, then the Prime Minister wanted to hear it.
Ideas were sent through from all 17 corners of the country. Dreamt up and welded together in some of New Zealand’s finest backyard sheds.
First there was the ‘bobby-pin’ era. Slip a bobby over the damaged plug. It did work but the bobby pin shortage of 1960 saw women march for equal ‘hair rights’.
Next was the Number 8 wire solution. It only lasted a few months before farmers realised they needed the wire to keep their stock off the roads. New Zealand lost a few good sheep over that trial period. May they rest in peace. It was a dark era for New Zealand.
Well the nation soon got over that mistake with a few good lamb chop BBQ’s and some Lion Draught…and it was exactly those few beers that finally solved the jandal blow-out pandemic. So they thought…
A half tipsy Derek from Motueka flicked a bread tag as hard as he could only for it to turn in the breeze, hook back like an Australian boomerang and land on top of his big toe.
Derek yanked a new bread tag off his loaf of Molenbergs, dusted off his blown-out jandals and slipped the tag behind the plug.
He gave the straps a light yank and blow Derek down – the plug didn’t pull through the hole….Derek had done it!
Fast forward two months – March 14th 1960 and Derek is about to be knighted by the Queen of England.
He proudly climbs the stairs to meet her majesties sword and….trips.
Derek looks down to see his bread tag has snapped.
The Queen calls off the knighthood. The nation is in shock. Thou saviour the bread-tag turns out to only be a temporary saviour, a temporary fix.
Fast foward to 2021. For over sixty years no one has stepped forward with a new blow-out solving solution. Mainly due to fear of public humiliation.
The bread-tag trick is still used but now widely acknowledged as only a temporary fix. Like a space saver spare tyre. It’s ugly, but it’ll do the job of getting you home…
Over this time New Zealanders just got used to living with ‘weak’ jandals that they knew on purchasing would only probably last half a year…’But, hey, maybe I can get a few more months with my trusty bread’tag’ - who were we kidding?
We were just lying to ourselves.
And just as you thought it couldn’t get any more depressing. In mid-2021 New Zealand stopped producing plastic bread-tags and turned to…cardboard.
Yep, great for the environment but absolutely heart wrenching for the jandal blow-out community. Cardboard just couldn’t handle the jandal. You may not know it yet, but if you have ever worn jandals, then you too are part of the blow-out community. A blow-out is inevitable and now with our only fix being snatched away from us – we were lost. We needed a hero. We needed a Derek.
But like, a better Derek.
Step forward Jordan Watson – A.K.A – How to DAD.
With the invention of Goldens and their patented, built in bread-tag shaped plug – the bread-tag will live on inside all of us. The cursed jandal blow-out pandemic has been halted and the nation will rise to see a new day – a new day of no bloody jandal blow-outs. Today is a good day.
Long live the bread-tag. Long live Goldens.